Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
