I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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