you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
