bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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