i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
