How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
