If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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