Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize