my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
