I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
