pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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