Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
