so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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