Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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