clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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