Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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