im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
