I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I will pee on everything he values.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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