i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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