isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
