also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize