No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
