At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
