i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
