I think my fart just growled at me.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
