Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Let's paint friendship bongs
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
