grandma shit on top of the toilet
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
