Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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