dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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