He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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