She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
