My hand turned me down
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
