That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
