How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
