I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
