Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We left an ass print on the piano.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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