you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
