Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
