She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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