We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
