The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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