I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize