I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
