my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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