shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize