I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
it's like heaven, but drunker
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
