MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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