then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
