hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
