you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
