if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
