Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
