dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
