i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
