im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
