Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
