Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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