a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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