i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
