I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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