More tranny stories later!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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