I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
