Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
