i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
