my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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