life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
