there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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