I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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