I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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