I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize