Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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