woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
