pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
oh god the rape fog is back!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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