I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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