Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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