I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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