Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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