I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize