I just made out with a guy for $7.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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