these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize