we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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