oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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