I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
A bitchslap is in order.
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