I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
