he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
