I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
