Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
