Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
