3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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