I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
