She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
