i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
