im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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