thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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