Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just blew my weed a kiss
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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