To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
