John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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