where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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