I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
