I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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