we have officially lost it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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