My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
