well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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