You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
