anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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