I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
