singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize