you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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