They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
