I murdered the dance floor call the cops
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
