my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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