Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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