fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
